The husband spoke up and said, "Well, neither one of us sucks dicks."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Two hunters were relaxing in their lodge, making small talk.
One of them asked, "So, what do you hunt?"
"Unicorns," came the surprising answer.
Startled, the first hunter gasped, "Really? How do the hell do you do
that?"
"Well, I find a virgin and hire her to help me. They're the only thing
that attracts unicorns. I have her wait in the woods until a unicorn
comes up to her. When it does, it sets off a snare."
The first hunter sighed, "Boy, they must be hard to find. I've heard of
'em, but I've never seen one."
The second hunter said, "Yeah, and there ain't many unicorns either."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
At the end of his sermon the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation
wanted to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie Smith stood up and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a
praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, was in a terrible bicycle wreck
and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the
doctors didn't know if they could help him."
A muffled gasp arose from the men in the congregation as the thought of
the pain poor Phil must have experienced sank in.
"Phil was hurt so badly that he couldn't even hold me or the kids," Suzie
continued. "Every movement caused terrible pain. We prayed when his
doctors performed the delicate operation required to repair the extensive
damage. Luckily they were able to piece the crushed and broken remnants
of Phil's scrotum together and wrap it in wire to hold everything in
place."
Again, the male half of the congregation squirmed uncomfortably, cringing
at the thought of what Phil went through.
"Today," Suzie announced in a quivering voice, "Thanks to the Lord, Phil
is out of the hospital. His doctors say that with time, his scrotum
should recover completely."
A great sigh of relief arose from the pews. The shaken pastor stood and
tentatively asked if anyone else had anything to say.