An American is visiting in France for several weeks. As his
stay nears an end, he is sitting around with three of his
new-found French friends shooting the breeze. The subject
turns to language, and the American says, "Guys, I do have
one question left. I keep hearing this expression, 'sang
froid'. What does it mean? I know that it literally means,
'cold blood', but how is it used?"
The first Frenchman replies, "Ah, zat is easy. Say that a
man walks into his bedroom, only to find his wife in bed
with his best friend. If he can turn around and walk out
without them knowing he was evair zere, *zat* is sang froid!"
The second Frenchman interjected, "You have eet all wrong!
If, in zis circumstance, zee gentleman can calmly stand
zere, and say, 'Please don't mind me; continue', zen *zat*
is sang froid!"
"Non, non, non!" burst out the third. "If ze gentleman
bursts een on his wife and his best friend, stands there
saying, 'Please continue', and his friend *CAN* continue,
*zat* is sang froid!"
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's
Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to
share that knowledge with as many people as I can. For
example, when someone tries to defend the homosexual
lifestyle, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly
states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
However, I do need some advice from you regarding some of the
other specific laws and how to follow them.
1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it
creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.1:9). The problem
is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them.
Should I smite them?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as
sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you
think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she
is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19-24.
The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most
women take offense.
4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both
male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring
nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans,
but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.
Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I
morally obligated to kill him myself?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish
is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God
if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear
reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there
some wiggle room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including
the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly
forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead
pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting
two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by
wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread
(cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme
a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble
of getting the whole town together to stone them
(Lev.24:10-16)? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a
private family affair like we do with people who sleep with
their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these
things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you
again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
NOT really a joke (funny, but not a joke), but thought I would include it
Things it takes most of us 50 years to learn:
1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of
helicopters in it.
2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight-saving time.
3. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from
her at that moment.
4. The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.
5. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down
inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
6. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make
a big deal about your birthday. That time is: age 11.
7. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
8. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.
9. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would
be "meetings."
10. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy
people who are not in them.
11. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of
its glories, and he decides to deliver a message to humanity, he will NOT
use as his messenger a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle or in some
cases, really bad make-up too.
12. You should not confuse your career with your life.
13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter/janitor, is not
a nice person.
14. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
15. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one
individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very
often, that individual is crazy.
16. Your true friends love you, anyway.
17. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage
bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags and
every once in a while a $20 bill comes flying out of it onto the
pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her.
"Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Damn!" says the little old lady, "I'd better go back and see if I can
gather up some of them. Thanks!"
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "Where did you get that money?
Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no," says the little old lady. "You see, my yard backs up to the
parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of
fans come and pee in the bushes right into my flower beds! So, I stand
behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper and each time some guy sticks
his dick through the bushes, I say; '$20 or off it comes!'"
"Hey not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "Ok, good luck! By the way,
what's in the other bag?"
"Well," says the little old lady, "not all of them pay up."
Morris returns from a long business trip and finds out that his wife has
been unfaithful during his time away.
"Who was it?" he yells. "That alta kakker Goldstein?"
"No," replied his wife. "It wasn't Goldstein."
"Was it Feldman, that dirty old man?"
"No, not him."
"Aha! Then it must have been that idiot Rabinovich!"
"No, it wasn't Rabinovich either..."
Morris was now fuming. "What's the matter?" he cried. "None of my
friends are good enough for you?"
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their
days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day the wife and I went into town and went
into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came
out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and I said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior
citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I
called him a Dumb Ass. He glared at me and started writing another
ticket for having worn tires.
So Mary Ann called him a Shithead. He finished the second ticket and put
it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third
ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the
more tickets he wrote.
Just then our bus arrived.
We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's
important at our age.
Games For The Elderly
· Sag, You're it
· Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
· 20 questions shouted into your good ear
· Kick the bucket
· Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over
· Doc Goose
· Simon says something incoherent
· Hide and go pee
· Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
· Musical recliners.
Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another
for some time. After inquiring about each other's health one asked how
the other's husband was doing.
"Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage
for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the
middle of the vegetable patch!"
"Oh dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend "What did you do?"
"Opened a can of peas instead."
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked
about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you.
I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left
the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank
you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you'
card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he
tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money
from you. I'm doing community service this week' The professor is very
happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you'
card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business'
and 'Becoming More Successful..
'Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his
bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.' The Congressman is very happy and
leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen
Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the
citizens of our country and the members of our Congress.
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I
almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman said, "Well,
we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're
not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and
put $50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked
over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw
that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and
according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"
Two young men who had just graduated from Harvard were all excited and
talking effusively as they got into a taxi in downtown Boston.
After hearing them for a couple of minutes the cab driver asked, "You men
Harvard graduates?"
"Yes Sir! Class of '08!" they answered proudly.
The cab driver extended his hand back to shake their hand, saying, "Class
of '94."
"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands from
"Do you drink a lot?"
"Not really - I spill most of it!"
A bus load of tourists arrives at Runnymede. They gather around the
guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to
sign the Magna Carta."
A fellow at the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?"
"1215," answers the guide.
The man looks at his watch and says, "Darn! Just missed it by a half
At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he planned to be
around for his 104th.
"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die
between the ages of 103 and 104."
As the coals from our barbecue burned down, our hosts passed out
marshmallows and long roasting forks.
Just then, two fire trucks roared by, sirens blaring, lights flashing.
They stopped at a house right down the block.
All twelve of us raced out of the back yard, down the street, where we
found the owners of the blazing house standing by helplessly.
They glared at us with looks of disgust.
Suddenly, we realized why.........we were all still holding our roasting
forks with marshmallows on them...
While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, whose hand was
caught in the gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a
conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to one of
the political candidates.
The old rancher said, "Well, ya know, that candidate is a 'Post Turtle'".
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post
turtle' was.
The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road you come
across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post
The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued
to explain.
"You know they didn't get up there by themselves, they don't belong up
there, and they don't know what to do while they're up there, and you
just wonder what kind of dummy put them up there to begin with".
A young boy answers the phone.
A man says, "Hello is your dad around?"
The boy whispers, "Yes."
The man then asks if he can talk to him.
"He's busy at the moment," the boy whispers.
"Then is your mom there?"
"Yes" the boy whispers.
"Can I talk to her?"
"No, she's busy," the boy whispers.
"Is there anyone else there?"
"Yes" whispered the boy.
"Who?" the man asked.
"A policeman," came the whispered reply.
"Well, can I talk to him?"
"He's busy too," the boy whispered.
"Is there anyone else there then?"
"Yes" whispered the boy.
"Who then?" the man asked.
"A fireman," the boy whispered.
"Can I talk to him?"
"No," the boy whispered, "he's busy."
Annoyed, the man asked what they were all doing.
"Looking for me." the boy giggled.
There once were two evil brothers. They were rich and used their money
to keep their evil ways from the public eye. They attended the same
temple, and to everyone else, they appeared to be perfect Jews.
One day, their rabbi retired and a new one was hired. Not only could the
new rabbi see right through the brothers' deceptions, but he also spoke
well and true about it. Due to the rabbi's honesty and integrity, the
temple's membership grew in numbers. Eventually, a fundraising campaign
was started to build a much bigger temple.
All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought
out the new rabbi the day before the funeral and handed him a check for
the amount needed to complete the new building. He held the check for
the rabbi to see.
"I have only one condition," he said. "At the funeral, you must say my
brother was a mensch. You must say those exact words."
After some thought, the rabbi gave his word and took the check. He
cashed it immediately. At the funeral the next day, however, the rabbi
did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said about the dead brother.
"He cheated on his wife and abused his family. Never once did he commit
an unselfish act." He railed on and on about the deceased.
After nearly a half hour of the evil truth, the rabbi paused and shrugged
his shoulders. Finally, he said, "But compared to his brother, he was a
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never
received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person
in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you
give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the
community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your
research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has
medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind
and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was
interrupted again. "or that my sister's husband died in a traffic
accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her
penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any
money to them, why should I give any to you?"
Today's Stock Market Report
- Helium was up.
- Feathers were down.
- Paper was stationary.
- Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
- Knives were up sharply.
- Cows steered into a bull market.
- Pencils lost a few points.
- Hiking equipment was trailing.
- Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
- Weights were up in heavy trading.
- Light switches were off.
- Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
- Diapers remained unchanged.
- Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
- The market for raisins dried up.
- Coca Cola fizzled.
- Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
- Sun peaked at midday.
- Balloon prices were inflated.
- Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
- And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.
A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive
cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a
month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and
without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the
lawyer filed claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of
small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious
reason: That the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued and won. In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with
the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated
nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it
had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it
would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be
unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance
company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss
of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."
After the lawyer cashed the check, the Insurance company had him arrested
on 24 counts of arson! With his own insurance claim and testimony from
the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of
intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months
in jail and a $24,000 fine.
A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant
woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen.
He asked her about it.
"This is the Klotschtein diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there
is a terrible curse that goes with it."
"What's the curse?" the man asked.
"Mr. Klotschtein."
Computer Messages in Haiku
Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully.
With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao-until
You bring fresh toner.
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor
chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The
pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with
"Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for
them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the
trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go
there? It's crowded, dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to
Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes
are old, their flight attendants are rude, and they're always late. So,
where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."
"That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small,
the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you
get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people
trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on
this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber
asked him about his trip to Rome.
"It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one
of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to
first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28
year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel - it
was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now
it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they
apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss
Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to
personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step
into his private room and wait, the pope would personally greet me. Sure
enough, five minutes later the Pope walked through the door and shook my
hand! I knelt down and he spoke to me."
"Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"
"He said, 'Where'd you get the lousy haircut?'"
Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City
subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change.
Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust.
Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of
dollar bills and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile.
The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other
passengers. Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity.
"What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank. "You know he's only
going to use it on drugs or booze!!!"
Matt replies, "What...and we weren't?"
A Kitten's Prayer
Now I lay me down to sleep,
The king-size bed is soft and deep..
I sleep right in the center groove
My human cannot hardly move!
I've trapped her legs, she's tucked in tight
And here is where I pass the night
No one disturbs me or dares intrude
Till morning comes and "I want food!"
I sneak up slowly to begin
My nibbles on my human's chin.
She wakes up quickly, I have sharp teeth
And my claws I will unsheath.
For the morning's here and it's time to play
I always seem to get my way.
So thank you Lord for giving me
This human person that I see.
The one who hugs me and holds me tight
And sacrifices her bed at night!
Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?". But the initials
really have been changed to stand for "What would Jesus drive?"
One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the
Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury."
But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The
passage urges the Jesus to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and
terrify them with your Storm."
Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are
warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long
Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk
about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ
tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..."
Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible
passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the
Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's
Triumph was heard throughout the land." And, following Jesus' lead, the
Apostles car pooled in a Honda... "The Apostles were in one Accord."
There once was a farmer who was raising three daughters on his own. He
was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to
watch out for them. As they entered the late teens, the girls dated, and
on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a
This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would
greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or
threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.
The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the
door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're
going to the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and
sent the kids on their way.
The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie. I'm here for Betty.
We're gonna get some spaghetti. Is she ready?" Father felt this one was
okay too, so off the two kids went.
The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy
started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck..." And the farmer shot him.
A guy from Brooklyn was in Hong Kong passing through the native quarter
and was surprised to see a synagogue. He went in and sure enough, he saw
a Chinese rabbi and a Chinese congregation. The service was touching.
As the service ended, the rabbi stood at the door greeting his
congregants. When our Brooklyn friend came up, the rabbi said, "You
"Yes, I'm Jewish," replied the Brooklynite.
"Funny," said the rabbi. "You don't look it."
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as
fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the
general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the
regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human
brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But
naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this
way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells,
making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you
always feel smarter after a few beers."
A man walks into a bar with his dog and puts the dog on a barstool. The
bartender asks the man what he wants to drink.
"I'll have a bourbon and Coke."
The man then turns to his dog and asks, "What are you going to have,
"I'll have a Scotch and soda -- light on the soda," says Rover.
The bartender is skeptical about the dog talking. "Come on," he says,
"that dog can't talk -- you're a ventriloquist!"
"No, Rover can really talk! While I am in the restroom, you can have a
conversation with him yourself -- but don't let him out of your sight.
He is a very valuable dog."
The man goes to the restroom. When he returns, the dog is gone.
"Hey, where's my dog? I told you not to let him out of your sight."
"Aw, I didn't believe that Rover could talk, so I gave him a some money
and sent him to the drug store to buy me a paper."
"Let's go look for him," said the man.
The two went to the drugstore -- no Rover. They walked up and down
nearby alleys and streets -- no dog! Finally, they found Rover in an
alley on top of another dog, pumping away.
Pointing his finger at Rover, the man says angrily, "How come you are
doing this? You have never done this before!"
"Well, I never had money before."