The Original list, followed by "101 Writing Tips"
HOW TO WRITE GOOD
1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Avoid clichés like the plague (they're old hat).
3. Employ the vernacular.
4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
6. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
7. Contractions aren't necessary
8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
9. One should never generalize.
10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know."
11. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
12. Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
13. Don't be redundant.
14. Profanity sucks.
15. Be more or less specific.
16. Understatement is always best.
17. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be avoided.
21. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
22. Use parallel construction not only to be concise but also clarify.
23. It behooves us all to avoid archaic expressions.
24. Consult the dictionery to avoid mispelings. Corect speling is
esential.
25. Who needs rhetorical questions?
26. Don't abbrev.
27. Check to see if you any words out.
28. Be carefully to use adjectives and adverbs correct.
29. About sentence fragments.
30. When dangling, don't use participles.
31. Don't use no double negatives.
32. Each pronoun agrees with their antecedent.
33. Just between you and I, the case of pronouns is important.
34. Join clauses good, like a conjunction should.
35. Don't use commas, that aren't necessary.
36. It's better not to unnecessarily split an infinitive.
37. Never leave a transitive verb just lay there without an object.
38. Only Proper Nouns should be capitalized.
39. a sentence should begin with a capital and end with a period
40. Use hyphens in compound-words, not just in any two-word phrase.
41. In letters compositions reports and things like that we use commas
to keep a string of items apart.
42. Watch out for irregular verbs which have crope into our language.
43. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
44. A writer mustn't shift your point of view.
45. Don't write a run-on sentence you've got to punctuate it this makes
it easier to read.
46. A preposition isn't a good thing to end a sentence with.
47. In my opinion I think that an author when he is writing shouldn't
get into the habit of making use of too many unnecessary words that he
does not really need in order to put his message across.
48. In the case of a report, check to see that jargonwise, it's A-OK.
49. About repetition, the repetition of a word might be real effective
repetition.
50. As far as incomplete constructions, they are wrong.
51. Proofread you writing.
52. Do not put statements in the negative form.
53. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
54. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!!
55. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences,
as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
56. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb
is.
57. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
58. Always pick on the correct idiom.
59. The adverb always follows the verb.
60. While a transcendent vocabulary is laudable, one must nevertheless
keep incessant surveillance against such loquacious, effusive, voluble
verbosity that the calculated objective of communication becomes
ensconced in obscurity. In other words, don't indulge in sesquipedalian
lexicological constructions.
61. In writing, few things are, so to speak, more infuriating, than,
say, commas, at least when there are too many of them, or when they
should be, say, semicolons.
62. To have been using excessively complex verb constructions, is to
have been bopping the literary baloney.
63. A friend I spoken with recently told me he been forgetting his
helper verbs.
64. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixed metaphors--even if a
mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. They are a pain in the
neck and ought to be weeded out.
65. Do not use hyperbole; not one in a million can do it effectively.
66. Never use a big word when a diminutive alternative would suffice.
67. Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct.
68. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not
needed.
69. Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how others
use them.
70. Eschew obfuscation.
71. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular
nouns in their writing.
72. And always be sure to finish what you
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101 Writing Tips
1. Every sentence should make sense in isolation. Like that one.
2. Excessive hyperbole is literally the kiss of death.
3. ASBMAETP: Acronyms Should Be Memorable And Easy To Pronounce, and
SATAN: Select Acronyms That Are Non-offensive.
4. Finish your point on an up-beat note, unless you can't think of one.
5. Don't patronise the reader-he or she might well be intelligent enough
to spot it.
6. A writer needs three qualities: creativity, originality, clarity and
a good short term memory.
7. Choose your words carefully and incitefully.
8. Avoid unnecessary examples; e.g. this one.
9. Don't use commas, to separate text unnecessarily.
10. It can be shown that you shouldn't miss out too many details.
11. Similes are about as much use as a chocolate teapot.
12. Avoid ugly abr'v'ns.
13. Spellcheckers are not perfect; they can kiss my errs.
14. Somebody once said that all quotes should be accurately attributed.
15. Americanisms suck.
16. Capitalising for emphasis is UGLY and DISTRACTING.
17. Underlining is also a big no-no.
18. Mixed metaphors can kill two birds without a paddle.
19. Before using a cliche, run it up the flagpole and see if anybody
salutes.
20. There is one cheap gimmick that should be avoided at all
costs..............suspense.
21. State your opinions forcefully-this is perhaps the key to successful
writing.
22. Never reveal your sources (Alistair Watson, 1993).
23. Pile on lots of subtlety.
24. Sure signs of lazy writing are incomplete lists, etc.
25. Introduce meaningless jargon on a strict need-to-know basis.
26. The word "gullible" possesses magic powers and hence it should be
used with care.
27. The importance of comprehensive cross-referencing will be covered
elsewhere.
28. Resist the temptation to roll up the trouser-legs of convention,
cast off the shoes and socks of good taste, and dip your toes
refreshingly into the cool, flowing waters of fanciful analogy.
29. Don't mess with Mr. Anthropomorphism.
30. Understatement is a mindblowingly effective weapon.
31. Injecting enthusiasm probably won't do any harm.
32. It is nice to be important, but it is more important to avoid using
the word 'nice.'
33. Appropriate metaphors are worth their weight in gold.
34. Take care with pluri.
35. If you can't think of the exact word that you need, look it up in
one of those dictionary-type things.
36. Colons: try to do without them.
37. Nouns should never be verbed.
38. Do you really think people are impressed by rhetorical questions?
39. Pick a font, and stick with it.
40. Sufficient clarity is necessary, but not necessarily sufficient.
41. Less is more. This means that a short, cryptic statement is often
preferable to an accurate, but drawn out, explanation that lacks punch
and loses the reader.
42. Sarcasm-yes, I bet that will go down really well.
43. The problem of ambiguity cannot be underestimated.
44. Never appear cynical, unless you're sure you can get away with it.
45. Many writer's punctuate incorrectly.
46. Colloquialisms are for barmpots.
47. There is a lot to be said for brevity.
48. To qualify is to weaken, in most cases.
49. Many readers assume that a word will not assume two meanings in the
same sentence.
50. Be spontaneous at regular intervals.
51. The era of the euphemism is sadly no longer with us.
52. Want to be funny? Just add some exclamation marks!!!
53. Want to appear whimsical? Simply append a smiley ;-)
54. Some writers introduce a large number, , of unnecessary symbols.
55. Restrict your hyphen-usage.
56. Choosing the correct phrase is important compared to most things.
57. Some early drafts of this document had had clumsy juxtapositions.
58. Try not to leave a word dangling on its own line.
59. The number of arbitrary constants per page should not exceed .
60. Use mathematical jargon iff it is absolutely necessary.
61. And avoid math symbols unless a good reason.
62. Poor writing effects the impact of your work.
63. And the dictionary on your shelf was not put there just for affect.
64. If there's a word on the tip of your tongue that you can't quite pin
down, use a cinnamon.
65. If somebody were to give me a pound for every irrelevant statement
I've ever read, then I would be very surprised.
66. Strangely enough, it is impossible to construct a sentence that
illustrates the meaning of the word 'irony.'
67. Consult a writing manual to assure that your English is correct.
68. It has been suggested that some words are absolute, not relative.
This is very true.
69. Be careful when forming words into a sentence-all orderings are not
correct.
70. Many words can ostensibly be deleted.
71. In your quest for clarity, stop at nothing.
72. Complete mastery of the English language comes with conscientious
study, notwithstanding around in bars. Moreover the next page.
73. Sporting analogies won't even get you to first base.
74. If you must quote, quote from one of the all-time greats (Cedric.P.
Snodworthy, 1964).
75. In the absence of a dictionary, stick to words of one syllabus.
76. Steer clear of word-making-up-ism.
77. Readers will not stand for any intolerance.
78. If there's one thing you must avoid it's over-simplification.
79. Double entendres will get you in the end.
80. Vagueness is the root of miscommunication, in a sense.
81. Don't bother with those "increase-your-word-power" books that cost
an absorbent amount of money.
82. Self-contradiction is confusing, and yet strangely enlightening.
83. Surrealism without purpose is like fish.
84. Ignorance: good writers don't even know the meaning of the word.
85. The spoken word can look strange when written down, I'm afraid.
86. Stimpy the Squirrel says "Don't treat the reader like a little
child."
87. Intimidatory writing is for wimps.
88. Learn one new maths word every day, and you'll soon find your
vocabulary growing exponentially.
89. My old high school English teacher put it perfectly when she said:
"Quoting is lazy. Express things in your own words."
90. She also said: "Don't use that trick of paraphrasing......[other
people's words]......inside a quote."
91. A lack of compassion in a writer is unforgivable.
92. On a scale of to , internal consistency is very important.
93. Thankfully, by the year 2016 rash predictions will be a thing of the
past.
94. There is no place for overemphasis, whatsoever.
95. Leave out the David Hockney rhyming slang.
96. Bad writers are hopefully ashamed of themselves.
97. Eschew the highfalutin.
98. Sometimes you publish a sentence and then, on reflection, feel that
you shouldn't ought to have been and gone and written it quite that way.
99. Practice humility until you feel that you're really good at it.
100. If there's a particular word that you can never spell, use a
pnemonic.
101. Sometimes, a foreign phrase can add a little 'je ne sais rien.'
102. Make sure that your title is accurate.
103. A strong ending is the last thing you need.
104. Oh, and avoid afterthoughts.
