Who is Jack Schitt?

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find
ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!" Well,
thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt married O. Schitt, the
fertilizer magnate, and owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son,
Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple
produced six children: Holy Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt,
and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents wishes, Deap
Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop-out. After 15 years of
marriage, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted
Sherlock, and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep
her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a
rather nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children,
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and
subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding
announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The
Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the
prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy
with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them.


Crock O. Schitt